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postheadericonSurnames......after Marriage

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Нея
И уж точно, сохранение семьи достигается не путем принятия общей фамилии, а путем желания понять друг друга, поиска решений, которые бы ли бы приемлемы для обоих, уступок и т.п. Это вовсе не легкий труд. Удачный брак - это постоянная работа над семейными отношениями обеих сторон. И вот куда гораздо важнее направлять свои усилия, а не на смену каких-то там бумажек (ИМХО)
TALTALIM
Да не бывает в Индии разводов! никогда smile.gif Просто муж исчезает и жениться повторно smile.gif
Нея
Цитата(TALTALIMчик @ 13.11.2009, 17:02) *

Да не бывает в Индии разводов! никогда smile.gif Просто муж исчезает и жениться повторно smile.gif


TALTALIMчик, ава - класс!!! 24.gif
Khon Suay
sorry, haven't read all the replies, just a few initial ones...

I'm Russian married to an Indian, there is another daughter-in-law in the family as well (she's Indian) - we both kept our maiden surnames. It wasn't like we fought for that or anything... our father-in-law himself told us not to change the names to avoid paperwork. Our husbands are also fine with it. And I know LOTS of Indian families, where married women have their maiden surnames. It's just practical, you see...
Take it easy and don't let your ego spoil your relationship over such a trifle smile.gif
Khon Suay
А теперь я прочитала последние сообщения smile.gif
Нил, Вы случаем не Малини под прикрытием? treatment.gif hihi.gif
(простите, пожалуйста, если не понимаете, о чем я smile.gif )
polinabs
Цитата(ana @ 12.11.2009, 15:52) *

India with its Greatest Culture and Traditions is the best country on The Mother Earth & Indians are the best people. An Indian Husband is a God given gift. girl_pinkglassesf.gif

I wish you could read and understand Russian, you would have discovered smth else here in other topics. hihi.gif

ana я тебя обожаю kiss.gif
Sovietskij
Цитата(Нея @ 13.11.2009, 15:22) *

Так вот по поводу разводов. То, что Вы написали выше, конечно полный бред. А вот то, что в России (странах СНГ, Европе) разводов больше, чем в странах Индостана, так я в этом нахожу свои плюсы. Если двое людей по прошествии некоторого времени после свадьбы все же не могут быть счастливы друг с другом, то почему они должны мучаться всю жизнь? Почему не дать шанс каждому из них найти человека, с которым можно было бы удачно построить отношения и создать счастливую семью?

10.gif
Paheli
Цитата(Pagli @ 13.11.2009, 19:25) *

А теперь я прочитала последние сообщения smile.gif
Нил, Вы случаем не Малини под прикрытием? treatment.gif hihi.gif
(простите, пожалуйста, если не понимаете, о чем я smile.gif )

Нет, не Малини smile.gif
Civetta
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 9:45) *

in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

Oh my gosh!!!! swoon.gif Thats crazy!!!
Areena
Цитата
in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

wow! that's smth new...

I'm married to indian as well and changed my last name. But it's my personal choice. My husband never forced me to change it. Name doesn't make a weather in your family..
Malini
Цитата(Tian @ 12.11.2009, 16:02) *

About Russians not following traditions - do you know something about 2 New Year's celebrations? Christmas, Easter etc. for Russians?

Well, then name third tradition/festival (праздник) if you can ! Oh yeah, Масленница. I doubt that beyond these days there are any other TRADITIONAL, i.e. religious or ethnic festivals alive in Russia and other Slavic countries ! And can this be compared with Indian life where there are so many festivals and even traditions in day-to-day life to be observed ?

By the way, non-interference by parents in children's affairs is actually indifference or abandoning real Russian traditions and by no means a tradition in itself ! dry.gif

Re insisting on change of the surname - pl tell me how many Russian males would appreciate and agree with their spouse not changing her surname after mariiage ? And let us consider as Russians not only ethnic, i.e. "Russians of Slavic nationality", but all population in Russian Federation and other CIS countries !!!
Цитата
This makes me laugh, for I know families where wives have taken husbands' surnames and divorced within a year or two, as well as the ones where the surname of husband and wife are different and the family is celebrating their 20-th anniversary this year.

These are exceptions that just prove the rule, as they say in Russia, ain't they ? How many Russian couples celebrate their 10th weddibng anniversary ? Pl look at stats if you don't know :
Цитата
Статистика разводов в России По самым последним данным, количество разводов в России увеличилось с 685,9 тыс. в 2007 году до 703,4 тыс. в 2008-м. Частота разрывов семейных уз возросла соответственно с 4,8 человек на 1 тыс. населения до 5. Впрочем, это не стало неожиданностью — с 2005 года количество разводов стабильно росло.
http://www.loveisgone.ru/library/stat/divorce/
Цитата
Согласно официальным данным, Украина относится к числу европейских стран с очень высоким уровнем разводов. По данным Госкомстата, в Украине каждый шестой брак заканчивается разводом. В целом во всем мире 50-70% браков распадаются.

http://www.seychas.ua/life/2008/6/24/articles/56717.htm
Malini
Цитата(Vesta @ 12.11.2009, 16:49) *

And why surname is so important for you then (except of "airport issue")? Cause you only keep on saying, that it is IMPORTANT.Why?

Most of the males would like their wife to change the surname and in case of nil or any other Indian male who is bringing his spouse to India and into their family would like to insist that the surname should be changed, since this spouse will be living with his family - together or at distance, does not make difference in India's case, since they are living in India and he is the EARNER and as we know "тот кто платит, тот и заказывает музыку" !!! Nil has all rights to insist on his surname ! treatment.gif
Malini
Цитата(vinny @ 12.11.2009, 17:28) *

sorry, man, but to have an indian husband is not a Grand prize.

You mean to say to have a Russian husband is a Grand Prize or Great Pleasure ??? 24.gif 24.gif 24.gif
Malini
Цитата(Pagli @ 13.11.2009, 22:55) *

А теперь я прочитала последние сообщения smile.gif
Нил, Вы случаем не Малини под прикрытием? treatment.gif hihi.gif
(простите, пожалуйста, если не понимаете, о чем я smile.gif )

И я прочитав это сообщение решил поучаствовать, коли наших бьют, чтоб не было сумлений ! hihi.gif
vinny
Цитата(Malini @ 10.1.2010, 16:45) *

You mean to say to have a Russian husband is a Grand Prize or Great Pleasure ??? 24.gif 24.gif 24.gif

i have no experience at this case to admit or deny it dry.gif
nil
Цитата(Malini @ 10.1.2010, 17:41) *

Most of the males would like their wife to change the surname and in case of nil or any other Indian male who is bringing his spouse to India and into their family would like to insist that the surname should be changed, since this spouse will be living with his family - together or at distance, does not make difference in India's case, since they are living in India and he is the EARNER and as we know "тот кто платит, тот и заказывает музыку" !!! Nil has all rights to insist on his surname ! treatment.gif

i am not insisting her to change the name. and "тот кто платит, тот и заказывает музыку" !!! ... is also not correct in my case. as i know there is no oneway rule in marriage.
Anjuta
hmmm I kinda feel strange about this phrase "тот кто платит, тот и заказывает музыку" in the context of discussion... If we want to take this one actually I'd say she is the one who is about to give up her usual life and things she may be cares about, like her family, closeness to her country for him.. So basically is she the one who is "paying" in this case.
But anyways Nil if it is so important to you I'd try to talk with your gf one more time on this topic. I guess u shall try to explain y is it that important to you. But hey no offense, I also would say the airport argument is kinda poor one in this discussion.
Also its kinda dumb to argument with "you are not having traditions and culture" You will never persuade anyone like this but obviously offend the other. And by the way this is just not true, just because the traditions are different and you don't know about them doesn't mean they do not exist
Yulia Gambhir
Цитата(Malini @ 10.1.2010, 13:41) *

Most of the males would like their wife to change the surname and in case of nil or any other Indian male who is bringing his spouse to India and into their family would like to insist that the surname should be changed, since this spouse will be living with his family - together or at distance, does not make difference in India's case, since they are living in India and he is the EARNER and as we know "тот кто платит, тот и заказывает музыку" !!! Nil has all rights to insist on his surname ! treatment.gif

You can't be more right saying that a male would like his wife to take his surname. BUT we are not taking into consideration LOADS of paper work that will be needed to be done! Moreover all this has to be made not in India but in Russia! I am doubtful at the moment - I really want to get the surname of my hubby to be, however I realise how many problems it will bring: girls have already mentioned about 2 passports, tax papers, health insurance... etc. Moreover, one has to get the papers that the diploma is valid and you were Ms this or that before the marriage, if one owns some property (either land or house) they also has to change the papers. It took me 4 months jt to get all those papers done, can you imagine, how much time it will take to change the name in it?!
To sum up - not only the husband pays! Russian women give up a lot... they have to adapt themselves in a new country! It is a tough challenge.
nil
Цитата(Yulia Gambhir @ 24.5.2010, 21:33) *

You can't be more right saying that a male would like his wife to take his surname. BUT we are not taking into consideration LOADS of paper work that will be needed to be done! Moreover all this has to be made not in India but in Russia! I am doubtful at the moment - I really want to get the surname of my hubby to be, however I realise how many problems it will bring: girls have already mentioned about 2 passports, tax papers, health insurance... etc. Moreover, one has to get the papers that the diploma is valid and you were Ms this or that before the marriage, if one owns some property (either land or house) they also has to change the papers. It took me 4 months jt to get all those papers done, can you imagine, how much time it will take to change the name in it?!
To sum up - not only the husband pays! Russian women give up a lot... they have to adapt themselves in a new country! It is a tough challenge.

i understand the paper work, and it not that matter on money and who is earning. just look in this way, when russian girl marries a russian boy , do they keep there old name? that time it is not problem of changing it, there is no paper work, or its free?
i dont understand, just becuase ur husband is from other country, u got reason to not do things?
about adapting?, what adaption.... i think there are only few adaption girls have to make , first- about country, second culture.
about country- major cities in india are well develop. so i dont find any big problem in staying there.
about culture..... all culture are based on same rules.. there are no new things girl has to do in india. just a will power of making is enough to go through.
it all depends on you want it or not?
atina
Цитата(nil @ 8.9.2010, 14:13) *

i understand the paper work, and it not that matter on money and who is earning. just look in this way, when russian girl marries a russian boy , do they keep there old name? that time it is not problem of changing it, there is no paper work, or its free?
i dont understand, just becuase ur husband is from other country, u got reason to not do things?

Even when marrying Russian guys, some girls change their last names and some keep their maiden names. idontno.gif
Sasha23
Цитата(nil @ 8.9.2010, 14:13) *

. there are no new things girl has to do in india. just a will power of making is enough to go through.

Ho ho!
So you still... aren't able to find the solution to this problem? blink.gif
Mumtaz
My husband wanted me to change my surname and I did it, same as I did with first husband. It's not such a huge problem to discuss actually. All changing procedures are for free but it takes time, till 3-4 months to change all docs....
Shakira
Цитата(nil @ 8.9.2010, 20:43) *


i think there are only few adaption girls have to make , first- about country, second culture.
about country- major cities in india are well develop. so i dont find any big problem in staying there.
about culture..... all culture are based on same rules.. there are no new things girl has to do in india. just a will power of making is enough to go through.
it all depends on you want it or not?


swoon.gif swoon.gif swoon.gif
Vesta
Цитата(nil @ 8.9.2010, 18:13) *

what adaption.... i think there are only few adaption girls have to make , first- about country, second culture.
about country- major cities in india are well develop. so i dont find any big problem in staying there.
about culture..... all culture are based on same rules.. there are no new things girl has to do in india. just a will power of making is enough to go through.
it all depends on you want it or not?

yep, everything is sooooo easy... dry.gif
JUST country & culture. Cultures are not based on the same rules. If it is so, you can go and without any difficulties adjust in some Russian city, what do you think, would it be easy for you? (as you say, there is no problem)
Shakira
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 12:39) *

and taking Indian traditions ..they are not much different than Russian, just in Russian hardly anybody follows it, and in India u have to follow it not matter u want or not.


Whenever i read or hear this, I have only one thing in my mind.

What is the use of following something, if you dont want and do not believe in it?

and this by Vesta is very true
Цитата
Our parents mostly do not interfere into personal, family matters of their kids, let them live their own way, IT IS a tradition itself. But in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh tradition is different, parents determine all aspects of young spouses, and influence at all issues.

our parents just do not force us to live a life they want, they respect US and OUR decisions smile.gif
Yulia Gambhir
Цитата(nil @ 8.9.2010, 14:13) *

i understand the paper work, and it not that matter on money and who is earning. just look in this way, when russian girl marries a russian boy , do they keep there old name? that time it is not problem of changing it, there is no paper work, or its free?

it all depends on you want it or not?

The problem is not about wanting it or not wanting... those who are staying in India without working can go to Russia for as much time as needed - 3 or for 4 months. Very fortunately, I am working and I can't leave India for that long! That where the problem is...when we are marrying a russian boy we stay in Russia, thus it creates less problems... that is it.

Цитата(Mumtaz @ 12.9.2010, 6:24) *

My husband wanted me to change my surname and I did it, same as I did with first husband. It's not such a huge problem to discuss actually. All changing procedures are for free but it takes time, till 3-4 months to change all docs....


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