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postheadericonSurnames......after Marriage

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nil
Hello, I was just curious for ur opinion abt the following matter. It's about the name. U see, I am going to marry my girlfriend(Russian).But when the question abt changing her name and surname came.. we had different views abt it, she says she wants to keep her own surname after marriage(does not want to change it) .But to be an Indian I think she should change her surname. As per indian traditions? I just wonder what russian representatives think about it???
Нея
Nil, is it very important for Indians?
I have been married to a Bangladeshi for more than 10 years and I haven’t changed my surname. But nobody feels discomfort regarding this.
By the way, if you want to create a happy family with a Russian girl, then you have to make a lot of compromise decisions about cultural issues. I mean, don’t expect that she will accept all your traditions. Thus, in my opinion, the question about changing the surname is one of the simplest smile.gif
Moashoo
Цитата(nil @ 11.11.2009, 21:14) *

I just wonder what russian representatives think about it???

I havn't changed mine only bcz it takes too much effort and time to change all the documents I have! Otherwise I would've changed it dry.gif
nadiyashka
nil, yep...its true...its very very tough process to change the surname...and trust me its not against your Indian traditions..coz in india she is anyways gonna be called MRS Nil;)
im married here in india for more than 7 years now..and my hubby never even asked such a silly question...and besides in many documents like Pan card im going as my surname and my hubby's...
so just relax... its really very simple question you better explain her about joint family and indian "bahus" traditions and "sasu" maa ka jaadu traditions...than wasting time fighting over surnames change topic;)
nil
about which cultural issue u are talking about?
and than changing name is done only once in life... and not every week, so i dont think it really problem of paperwork.
and suppose u are airport, and there will be call for u and ur husabnd... how will u feel if they call u by different name or by Mr. and misses ....?
for me i do not feel comfortable to her with two different name...it like u are in contract marriage. my sister changed her name too after marriage..and it took very little efforts for her.
and u mean about russia..... i am not against if she wants to keep Russian citizenship..but than there wll be many problem in documents work in India too.. so i dont think changing name is tht big problem.
in india everybody changes there name after marriage, so i think i will be not comfortable ...with old name of her.
nil
Цитата(Надияшка-мамашка @ 12.11.2009, 9:19) *

nil, yep...its true...its very very tough process to change the surname...and trust me its not against your Indian traditions..coz in india she is anyways gonna be called MRS Nil;)
im married here in india for more than 7 years now..and my hubby never even asked such a silly question...and besides in many documents like Pan card im going as my surname and my hubby's...
so just relax... its really very simple question you better explain her about joint family and indian "bahus" traditions and "sasu" maa ka jaadu traditions...than wasting time fighting over surnames change topic;)



no we are not fighting, just we talked about it, and than i don't think there will be any argument in my house as my mom and dad are pretty good peoples. and taking Indian traditions ..they are not much different than Russian, just in Russian hardly anybody follows it, and in India u have to follow it not matter u want or not.
and if its really difficult ...we can leave it, but just saying its difficult and shaking hands ,..... i do not like it.
and than what is life without tasks...anyway we are still thinking and not decided.
nadiyashka
nil, how many docs ur sis had before marriage?
and im not saying all the docs which ur future wife is having plus foreign passport plus inside russia passport...plus many docs about her registration in the city...
and yes im not saying that she cant do it! she can
but for that she will have to be in Russia! and it will take many months to complete!
and about airport...when we travel with hubby nobody even looks at my name and surname...automatically im called MRs Jayesh!
so i dont know why its so much big deal!?...or your so much afraid ??
and besides you can go to russia register ur marriage there and than start the changing surname process..but dont expect at list half to full year ur wife in india:)
Taj
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 11:33) *

in india everybody changes there name after marriage, so i think i will be not comfortable ...with old name of her.

What documents does indian woman have before she gets married? Perhaps just birth certificate, no passport, nothing, that's why it's so simple for her to change her name after she gets married. She receives her marriage certificate that simply states that her old name is changed to her husband's name.
In Russia it's 2 passports (russian and foreign), perhaps bank accounts, tax papers and maybe more. To deal with all this bulk of papers is really troublesome idontno.gif
lali
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 12:03) *

in india everybody changes there name after marriage, so i think i will be not comfortable ...with old name of her.

name or surname ? ax.gif
in india everybody marriage whith russian ? dry.gif
Vesta
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 9:09) *

no we are not fighting, just we talked about it, and than i don't think there will be any argument in my house as my mom and dad are pretty good peoples. and taking Indian traditions ..they are not much different than Russian, just in Russian hardly anybody follows it, and in India u have to follow it not matter u want or not.
and if its really difficult ...we can leave it, but just saying its difficult and shaking hands ,..... i do not like it.
and than what is life without tasks...anyway we are still thinking and not decided.

Three people already have written you their opinions, I have the same. But you seem do not get those opinions into consideration idontno.gif
Yes, in Russia ordinary citizen has more docs, then in India (specially woman). We have social funds, pension funds, medical insurance docs, tax number, work record card, etc., all these are except, of course, two passports (for internal and external usage). So, I think it is pretty much headache to change all these papers, just that at airport you can feel yourself comfortable dry.gif

This is very spreaded opinion, that Russian people do not have traditions, or do not follow them. But in fact, we have traditions, but the principals of family life, relations between elders & young families are different. Our parents mostly do not interfere into personal, family matters of their kids, let them live their own way, IT IS a tradition itself. But in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh tradition is different, parents determine all aspects of young spouses, and influence at all issues.

This is very big difference, and you should take it into account. Your future wife will come for you to different country, different society, away from her home & family. ANd you should support her as much as you can.
Moashoo
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 8:03) *

so i dont think it really problem of paperwork.

it seems to me you don't need our explanations, but you came here with this question just to complain that your russian GF don't wanna do like u r asking her to do bye.gif Sorry ax.gif
And trust me, you donno what you r talkin about saying it's not a problem of paperwork for russian girl to change all documents.
It can take months dry.gif with our bureaucracy, u know?
Moashoo
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 8:09) *

no we are not fighting, just we talked about it, and than i don't think there will be any argument in my house as my mom and dad are pretty good peoples. and taking Indian traditions ..they are not much different than Russian, just in Russian hardly anybody follows it, and in India u have to follow it not matter u want or not.

you know, every son or daughter will say that his or her parents are very good, i wonder who would say they are not (and they are). And in fact, i'm 90% sure they will not be happy about Russian daughter in law, and it's gonna be lot of troubles.
and about not much difference in traditions between India and Russia - just LOL hihi.gif u made my day popcorn.gif
and Russians do follow their traditions too manikur.gif

Why don't you tell to your GF about our forum so she could also participate in discussion? girl_sigh.gif
TALTALIM
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 8:03) *

in india everybody changes there name after marriage, so i think i will be not comfortable ...with old name of her.

not EVERYBODY !!!

Many girls even not having birth sertificate (passport also) so they are taking husband's surname like first surname for them! It doesn't mean to change to husband's surname - it mean to take surname for the first time
Tian
And I know some Indian girls who had surnames, but because they also had a passport and just because it would have taken much time in India to get a new one with husbands surname or because she has some diplomas issued on her name and is well known in her work field with her surname, they refused to take husband's surname and nobody minded that. I do not think it's a question to be discussed.

About Russians not following traditions - do you know something about 2 New Year's celebrations? Christmas, Easter etc. for Russians?

Regarding good parents - I think nobody would say opposite, but there's a some difference between your understanding of what is good and understanding of Russians what is good.
nil
may be u are right , i understand before Indian girls had very less documents, but now these days they to have many paper, degree, insurance policy, and many such.
passport, also...even domestic and local regis.cards...so...nto less just Indian system is far better and fast in theses cases and women here changes her name only one time.
an i stayed in russia so i know how it works,...
just many people in russia do not want to do it ..........
and i am not complaining about my gf, it just i was curious wht other thinks
Vesta
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 12:33) *

may be u are right , i understand before Indian girls had very less documents, but now these days they to have many paper, degree, insurance policy, and many such.
passport, also...even domestic and local regis.cards...so...nto less just Indian system is far better and fast in theses cases and women here changes her name only one time.

Sure, in India everything must be fast as wind rolleyes.gif girl_sigh.gif
nil
Цитата(Tian @ 12.11.2009, 13:32) *

And I know some Indian girls who had surnames, but because they also had a passport and just because it would have taken much time in India to get a new one with husbands surname or because she has some diplomas issued on her name and is well known in her work field with her surname, they refused to take husband's surname and nobody minded that. I do not think it's a question to be discussed.

About Russians not following traditions - do you know something about 2 New Year's celebrations? Christmas, Easter etc. for Russians?

Regarding good parents - I think nobody would say opposite, but there's a some difference between your understanding of what is good and understanding of Russians what is good.


i know about 2 new years...and also one is celebrates on 7th of jan.
is not what u know or what u not, it matter how u look at them. in india we celebrate festivals of all religion....and never ever thought till today tht is not ours..
and about difference.. there are always difference in two people, and to have it in people from two different countries and religion and tradition is normal,....
main thing is how u cope with them,.... and not allowing differences to grow.


Цитата(Vesta @ 12.11.2009, 13:37) *

Sure, in India everything must be fast as wind rolleyes.gif girl_sigh.gif


if u want things get done fast than in russia...my personal exp.
nil
Цитата(TALTALIMчик @ 12.11.2009, 13:22) *

not EVERYBODY !!!

Many girls even not having birth sertificate (passport also) so they are taking husband's surname like first surname for them! It doesn't mean to change to husband's surname - it mean to take surname for the first time


those were decade back, and u are talking about the girls who haven't been to school
...for u information. my sister is math professor.
so she has got birth certificate and other documents too
Tian
nil, you are allowing differences to grow already since you mind your GF to keep her surname after marriage if she wants to. Why the surname is so important for you? Is there something more then "they would call us different surnames in Airport", if the girls here already explained you that in India she will still be known by your surname?
nil
people without documents are also found in Russia...
nil
Цитата(Tian @ 12.11.2009, 13:41) *

nil, you are allowing differences to grow already since you mind your GF to keep her surname after marriage if she wants to. Why the surname is so important for you? Is there something more then "they would call us different surnames in Airport", if the girls here already explained you that in India she will still be known by your surname?

yes surname has got values... thts why we are talking.
Tian
nil, those without documents are not majority in Russia while in India they are, but is your GF that kind of a person without documents?
nil
in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....
nil
Цитата(Tian @ 12.11.2009, 13:45) *

nil, those without documents are not majority in Russia while in India they are, but is your GF that kind of a person without documents?

no she is person with identity (documents) but than if we are going to stay in india ... and once changed. u dont have to face problems again and again, what is problem in changing?
TALTALIM
Nil !
Relationship between husband and wife has got values and support from husband to his wife in foren country for her has got values, another like surname doesn't matter
Moashoo
Цитата(Vesta @ 12.11.2009, 11:37) *

Sure, in India everything must be fast as wind rolleyes.gif girl_sigh.gif

he is talking about some other India hihi.gif

Nil, no offense, just a joke ax.gif
Tian
nil, what problems you mean when you say "u dont have to face problems again and again" when you speak about India?
vinny
with such kind of thoughts is better way to stay off your russian girlfriend. ax.gif

oh God, what a problem to be called by different names in airport hihi.gif hihi.gif hihi.gif
Добрррая Кобра
nil,
Цитата
in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

swoon.gif cranky.gif hihi.gif
Tian
Цитата
in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

This makes me laugh, for I know families where wives have taken husbands' surnames and divorced within a year or two, as well as the ones where the surname of husband and wife are different and the family is celebrating their 20-th anniversary this year.

If the unity of a family is of such a value, why wouldn't you think to take your wife's surname instead? ax.gif (Just kidding)
Moashoo
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 11:45) *

in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

I just don't understand one thing. In your first message of this topic you r askin us, russian natives, our opinion why russian girls don't change surnames after marriage. Each of us explained why, and as u see, all replies are same.
And you r still saying we r wrong, you know better russians (as we can see), and u know better why we dont wanna change surnames, bcz we donno how long our marriage is gonna last.
Just tell me why then u r askin this in a first place as u know the answer and u think its right?


Цитата(vinny @ 12.11.2009, 11:51) *

with such kind of thoughts is better way to stay off your russian girlfriend. ax.gif

+1 dry.gif
Moashoo
Цитата(Tian @ 12.11.2009, 11:55) *

This makes me laugh, for I know families where wives have taken husbands' surnames and divorced within a year or two, as well as the ones where the surname of husband and wife are different and the family is celebrating their 20-th anniversary this year.

as i said, he lives in some other India hihi.gif where Indian wives never file for divorce popcorn.gif
Vesta
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 12:42) *

people without documents are also found in Russia...

oh, yes, in same quantites, then in Hindostani countries? girl_pinkglassesf.gif
Vesta
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 12:45) *

in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

you must be have great experience in Russia. rolleyes.gif
You can judge, what most of russians think of... Very nice. People do not change their surnames, cause they do not want additional problems, and their feelings, love, family strength don't depend on such issues.

You told yoursef, you just follwo the traditions, YOU LIKE THEM OR NOT. So, it doesn't mean that you are going to save you marriage only by our own will, but also due to society requirments. idontno.gif

And why surname is so important for you then (except of "airport issue")? Cause you only keep on saying, that it is IMPORTANT.
Why?
nadiyashka
nil, so ur saying..suppose in a case of ur divorce just bcoz she've changed her surname to urs..its gonna save ur marriage!?
wahh thats different...
mann..u really have some problem...
yulika
Цитата(Надияшка-мамашка @ 12.11.2009, 16:09) *

mann..u really have some problem...

and one can guess what is the problem out there. He just wants his GF to dance to his pipe, it can be read in his each and every line.
Let me tell you, mister, you better forget about trying to make your GF do whatever you want and say, bcoz we don't accept that Pati is Parameshwar (husband is God) only bcoz our sasu-maa says that but unless he proves himself capable of being Parameshwar.
vinny
man, don't you think that your girlfriend is a human with own traditions, thoughts etc? she is not a thing. you can't treat her the way she will be plastic doll after marriage, with whom you could do everything you want.
you have no respect to her but you ask to respect your culture, traditions, parents etc. sorry, man, but to have an indian husband is not a Grand prize.
lali
Цитата(vinny @ 12.11.2009, 16:58) *

man, don't you think that your girlfriend is a human with own traditions, thoughts etc? she is not a thing. you can't treat her the way she will be plastic doll after marriage, with whom you could do everything you want.
you have no respect to her but you ask to respect your culture, traditions, parents etc. sorry, man, but to have an indian husband is not a Grand prize.

+100
nil , if you'll take a dog and give her nickname it will be one time dry.gif
Marisha
Цитата
sorry, man, but to have an indian husband is not a Grand prize

Yes. So true. (So difficult to adjust and get used to the way of life for a Russian girl).
Plus. If you are a person reasonable enough you will sure understand one thing. If you expect your future wife to accept your conditions without discussion, like in case with this surnames issue (you said you have to follow traditions whether you like it or not), then you should realize it's not a good basic thinking for any marriage, forget a complicated one like international marriage between two persons with cultures so different like Indian and Russian.
So, better not be so rigid and put in your efforts too, to make it work. Otherwise... Ek haath se taali nahi bajegi.
ana
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 15:15) *

in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....


India with its Greatest Culture and Traditions is the best country on The Mother Earth & Indians are the best people. An Indian Husband is a God given gift. girl_pinkglassesf.gif

I wish you could read and understand Russian, you would have discovered smth else here in other topics. hihi.gif
Нея
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 9:09) *

...and taking Indian traditions ..they are not much different than Russian, just in Russian hardly anybody follows it, and in India u have to follow it not matter u want or not.


Don’t be offended Nil, but it is an argument of a person who is not capable of analyzing, defending his opinion and taking the responsibility for making a decision. dry.gif I believe that, the spouses can be happy in marriage only if both of them give the priority to the own family (husband and wife), and after consider an opinions of the relatives, society, traditions, etc. Thus they can accept or reject some traditions, if consider them as not acceptable.
atina
Цитата(Tian @ 12.11.2009, 9:55) *

This makes me laugh, for I know families where wives have taken husbands' surnames and divorced within a year or two, as well as the ones where the surname of husband and wife are different and the family is celebrating their 20-th anniversary this year.




+1

My grandparents ( with different surnames ) were married for 50+ years...
I have been married to my Indian husband for 10 years. Never changed my surname. In fact, he was the one who told me not to worry about it. When my in-laws asked my husband "why didn't she take your name" he said "I didn't want her to waste time on all the paperwork". The issue was closed.
So far we never had a problem. In kids' school they usually call me Mrs. HusbandsLastName. When we are together they also say Mr. and Mrs. HusbandsLastName. At work they call me by my last name.

Marriage is pretty complicated thing as it is. Marriage between two people from different cultures is five times more complicated. You have to be ready to find compromises and explain to your parents that your future wife can not be expected to act in exactly the same manner as an Indian girl would.
Oryx
Me too have an Indian husband for more than 6 years, without changing my last name. smile.gif There were no problems in India with us, no one ever pays attention on that. Our marriage is legalized and recognized with any kind of visa offices, embassies etc.

Oh, yes...sometimes in the hotels people might be curious why a husband and a wife have different names, but who cares what these people say or think? hihi.gif
nil
Цитата(ana @ 12.11.2009, 16:52) *

India with its Greatest Culture and Traditions is the best country on The Mother Earth & Indians are the best people. An Indian Husband is a God given gift. girl_pinkglassesf.gif

I wish you could read and understand Russian, you would have discovered smth else here in other topics. hihi.gif

i know Russian language , can read and understand it well, just writing is little problem for me.
avrora
INDIAN HUSBAND IS A GIFT FROM GOD. OK I AM NOT AGREE WITH YOU. A GOOD PERSON FROM ANY CORNER OF THE WORLD CAN BE A GIFT FROM GOD. IF THERE IS LOVE BETWEEN HUSB AND WIFE. YOU CAN SOLVE ANY PROBLEM .IF THERE IS NO LOVE IT WILL MAKE PROBLEM EVERY SINGLE STEPS OF YOUR LIFE ,SAME AS THE PROBLEM WITH SURNAME. THERE IS SO MANY GOOD AND BAD PERSON IN OUR SOCITY. (PARAMISWAR ) ITS NOT A PERFECT WORD FOR A HUSBAND BUT IF HE KNOWS HOW TO BE PARAMISWAR AND WALK IN THAT WAY HE WILL BE A PARAMISWAR SOMETIME.
vinny
avrora, использование больших букв означает, что вы кричите. wink.gif
TALTALIM
так наверное до него докричаться не могут, уже и так и сяк объясняют :-)
Добрррая Кобра
Цитата(TALTALIMчик @ 12.11.2009, 23:44) *

так наверное до него докричаться не могут, уже и так и сяк объясняют :-)

hihi.gif
Camilla
Цитата
in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....

hihi.gif hihi.gif hihi.gif
Нея
Цитата(nil @ 12.11.2009, 12:45) *

in russia nobody want to change because almost 40-60% are not sure how long the marriage will last , so they do not want to go again and agian through process....


Nil, поскольку Вы сообщили, что читаете по-русски, то не вижу необходимости использовать инглиш.
Так вот по поводу разводов. То, что Вы написали выше, конечно полный бред. А вот то, что в России (странах СНГ, Европе) разводов больше, чем в странах Индостана, так я в этом нахожу свои плюсы. Если двое людей по прошествии некоторого времени после свадьбы все же не могут быть счастливы друг с другом, то почему они должны мучаться всю жизнь? Почему не дать шанс каждому из них найти человека, с которым можно было бы удачно построить отношения и создать счастливую семью?

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